So, it’s been a month now, since I left my beloved island home, Saba, to embark on 6 flights over 3 days (Saba-St Maarten-Nevis-St Kitts-Antigua-Barbados-UK… not usually that long a journey, but a tortuous trip this time due to post-hurricane re-routing) to return to my other beloved home, green, grey, cold and rainy England. From one tiny island, to another tiny (but actually relatively giant) island.
I miss my 5 square miles Saba tremendously. But, I am adjusting to life back in the UK… just about.
I miss the people on Saba. The friendly greetings, the happy faces, the familiarity. I miss that the people in the grocery store know not only your name, but your address, hopes, dreams, sorrows and life story! Yes, the stores here may have far more choice, which is lovely (fresh food, cheese, chocolate, mmmm), but the cashiers don’t know your name, nor drive you home afterwards… I miss not needing to worry about losing my house or car keys, because no one locks their homes or cars on Saba. It is so safe and so beautiful. I’ve left mum’s house a few times unlocked, but she double-checks. I’m sure it would be fine… but well, it seems leaving your house unlocked and your car unlocked with your keys in the ignition and purse on the passenger seat is not the done-thing here.
I find myself still enthusiastically greeting people I pass in the streets, here in chilly England. A few people respond, startled and staring, thinking “Do I know you?!”, while others just avoid eye contact and quickly hurry on their way. Luke tells me that if I keep saying hello to strange men across the street at night, I’ll find myself murdered in a bush. That’s not the way of things on Saba. Everyone says hello, day or night, black or white, known or unknown, everyone is your friend on Saba.
I also still find myself waving at passing drivers in cars… no one waves back. They just ignore you, simply don’t notice you, or panic that there’s a problem with their vehicle you’re trying to point out. On the topic of cars, no one seems to drive around here with a cracked, or even completed smashed in windscreen or roof. The cars here lack character somehow. They have no Saba scratches, dents or love bites. Also, no one hitches… and no one stops to simply offer you a ride, if you look like you’re in a hurry, or if they’d just like a chat. Cars do beep at each other… but it doesn’t seem to be motivated by a “Hello, how are you?”… more a “Get out of my way!”… The roads here are terrifying. People drive on the other (Wrong? Right? Left) side of the road! There are so many lanes. So many lorries. Moving so fast. And sometimes so slow… standstill traffic kills me. I feel like my life is being sucked out of me when I’m stuck in traffic. I miss the one, beautiful, quiet, winding road on Saba. I miss feeling breathless and sweaty after cycling on it – the thrill of the downhill, the satisfaction of making it uphill – and all the people who shout encouragement, not abuse, as you pass them by on the bike.
I miss my Saba students terribly. At first it felt surreal to be back… like I was just back “home” for the Christmas break and would soon be returning to my Saba “home”, to be reunited with my incredible students in January. But the first week of the semester has now come and gone. I’ve seen the pictures on Facebook. Received messages from a special few staff and students. But life on Saba, life at SUSOM, now goes on without me. I wish I could have been there to proudly congratulate those amazing students being recognised in the Honours Society and enthusiastically welcome the new students during the White Coat Ceremony.
I’m trying to get used to flushing the toilet paper down the toilet again, but I still object to flushing the toilet every time I go! I’m saving the planet, one un-flushed toilet at a time. The “if it’s yellow, let it mellow” mantra is still alive and strong in my life. Yesterday, a lady went into the swimming pool toilets after me and came out complaining about how public toilets always smell like urine… I thought to myself, oh yes, oops, sorry, that was probably my unflushed pee. I just smiled to myself.
I desperately miss the sunshine, big blue skies and sea views. It can feel quite claustrophobic being not only landlocked from the sides here with no sign of the sea, but also from above, with grey clouds bearing down on you. Thankfully today, the sun has broken through here, and although it is still very cold, it is refreshing to see a glimpse of sunshine and blue sky. I will venture out in it, but I need to wear 5 layers of clothes now… I’m not sure whether I’ve gained weight from delicious Christmas dinners, or whether I just look 3 sizes bigger because of all the clothes I’m wearing. My flip-flops have been replaced by furry boots, my swim wear by woolly hats and my glowing suntan but pale, cold, hairy, hidden legs! Life is a lot more indoors here... I miss breakfasts on the balcony, but have enjoyed lots of full English breakfasts with mama.
I miss my lunchtime swims with my dear friends, where we would chance upon happy turtles, lovely fish, beautiful coral… or sometimes brave the waves and swim all the way out to Torrens’ point, climb up and then gaze at the stunning views before jumping off the cliffs into the blue, beckoning water below. I decided I was still going to swim on Christmas Day, whatever the weather, so off we went to the Hunstanton Charity Christmas Dip. It was freezing. And grey. And pebbly. But it was fun. It felt wonderful to see the sea again, to be part of a crazy, fun fancy-dress event and join with others for a good cause. A great way to start Christmas 😊
I miss my lunchtime swims with my dear friends, where we would chance upon happy turtles, lovely fish, beautiful coral… or sometimes brave the waves and swim all the way out to Torrens’ point, climb up and then gaze at the stunning views before jumping off the cliffs into the blue, beckoning water below. I decided I was still going to swim on Christmas Day, whatever the weather, so off we went to the Hunstanton Charity Christmas Dip. It was freezing. And grey. And pebbly. But it was fun. It felt wonderful to see the sea again, to be part of a crazy, fun fancy-dress event and join with others for a good cause. A great way to start Christmas 😊
It has been wonderful to be reunited with loved ones over the Christmas and New Year period. To feel of their love, companionship and warmth. Although I was so lucky to have my very own “Saba family”, it did feel lonely at times there, being so far from my real family, old friends and my “home”. It has been lovely to feel cosy, snuggled up on a warm sofa, or by a crackling log fire this year. There is something truly magical, about being warm inside with those you love, while it’s cold outside at Christmas time. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my Christmas in sunny Saba last year – Santa visiting from a neighbouring island, hiking the Tide Pools with mum and Riley, eating outside with friends, jumping in a pool and swimming at Well’s Bay…. But seeing snow, even just a flurry, outside the window, and running around a freezing cold field with your boisterous boy cousins (even if you do get a little battered, bruised and muddy) after a fabulous, famous, mighty Guys Farm feast, is something very special.
It has been wonderful to catch up with good friends and family. To have proper girly chats and warm hugs. To feel your heart jump, when you are reunited with those you love. It has been a joy to see two of my best friends, with their fiancés, and see how happy they are. I am so excited that I already have 5 (that’s right, 5!?!?!) weddings on the calendar for 2018!! Weddings make me happy and I am so happy to see friends and family happy. I have the honour of being a bridesmaid for 2 of my dear friends this coming year, so that’s definitely something special and worth coming “home” for! So, perhaps I won’t be jetting off again too soon… we will see!
Well, on the subject of jetting off…. I have to confess, I have already been looking at flights to faraway places. The first week in January was a rough one for me. After all the festivities of Christmas and New Year, I came down with the dreaded flu. I felt awful. Sore throat, headache, body aches, fatigue, fever, chills…. I really needed to study for my clinical exams, but I couldn’t even get out of bed. I felt so rotten. At the same time, I was running into unexpected difficulties reinstating my licence to practise medicine in the UK and my medical indemnity fees were sky-rocketing after working abroad. I thought the best solution, clearly, would be to just jump on the next flight back to Saba… I’m not sure Saba (or the neighbouring flight passengers) would have appreciated me coughing and spluttering all over them - and potentially decimating the 2,000 strong population with my exotic lurgy would not have been my finest moment. So, I stayed home, in bed and rested. My mum was an angel. It’s never nice being ill, wherever you are, but it is certainly worse to be ill far from “home”. It was comforting to have my loving mum on hand to care for me - mopping my brow, bringing me drinks and drugs, making me soup and covering me in her traditional-tried-tested-and-trusted Vicks Vapo Rub!
I’m now feeling better and have taken the first of the exams. It felt strange (weird, horrible and refreshing all at the same time) to be the student again, rather than the professor. I’ve joined a local triathlon club – but I desperately miss my Saba triathlon friends. The people here seem nice though… they ask me where I was before and when I tell them the Caribbean, they all think I’m mad for coming back. They don’t expect me to be back for long. A guy I met on the plane on the way back said he’d give me three months before I caved in and returned to the Caribbean! Ha. We will see! I was looking at flights again last night, thinking perhaps I’d just return for the Saba triathlon this week… but then I thought, I probably need to give my home here a bit more of a chance… so, for now I've satisfied my itchy feet (and restless wings) by agreeing to be a medic for an awesome bunch of people next month in Laos on a charity cycle! I’m also looking forward to catching up with more loved ones here, getting back into “real life”, seeing patients again and seeing how my life will play out over the coming year... It is exciting to be able to drink water straight from the tap again. I’ve been doing a lot of that. And I love it. I will certainly return to Saba someday. Soon. It is under my skin. It is in my heart. It is a special place. Made so special by the incredibly special people I met there. But, for now, I’m getting used to being home again. And that in itself, is bittersweet and beautiful.
